So, I don’t know if I mentioned my own illness (fever, cough, sneezing, etc.) this week. It kept me home from work — I worked from home — all week. And now, this weekend, my son has come down with the same thing. And I’m not yet over my case. So we’re quite a household. Two runny-nosed coughing individuals, wearing the most comfortable thing available and mostly sitting on our butts. Tissues are everywhere. I’m barely keeping the kitchen clean enough to avoid disaster. Eating is going a bit downhill but it’s not terrible.

And today, the capper on the whole strange intense week. I have pretty good reason to believe I’m pregnant. Yep. Totally hasn’t sunk in yet. I think we have to name it “N.”

P.S. Don’t tell anyone as this is very very early and obviously not public information.

The last few weeks have seen a pretty big transformation for me, in some ways. I am pretty consistently eating the good stuff (the stuff that’s good for me) whenever I can — exceptions include work functions where no other food is available, and, uh… my birthday. (BTW, I am now 39 — totally “pushing 40″ — which leads me into a lot of thoughts about further reproduction, but that’s another entry. )

I’ve also been exercising a LOT more than before. It still isn’t super-intense, but I’ve definitely done 2-3 times a week, 30 minutes each time. Now that I am back to being a (temporary) single parent, I’ve worked out a couple of ways that work for me to exercise: wake up at 6 and get on the treadmill, before C. gets up at 7 (this only works when he sleeps that late); or put him in the jog stroller and walk/run with him to the park, where he gets his exercise.

I think I need more variations in here. I’d love to get on the treadmill while he’s watching TV or otherwise occupied, but I’m afraid he would get too close to the treadmill and get injured (is he old enough to know better by now?). He’s not so great at letting me go about my business without hanging on my legs, sitting on my lap, etc. So I am still thinking about that. (He is sitting on my lap now.)

The other thing I need to work on is portion size. If I eat the good stuff, but way too much of it, I still feel bloated and yucky. So I’ll be thinking about that in the days and weeks to come.

even when you’re not hungry. A Time photo essay.

I am starting to feel more solid in my commitment to Core. I envision myself now as on the right road in my journey. It is early yet but I know I can stay the course. We hit Safeway last night and I was able to stock up on whole foods and fat free stuff. Core seems to be pretty consistent with my own food values (whole foods are best) except for in the dairy department where fat free dairy is super processed. Made a nice mac and cheese last night though so am glad to have the ff cheese.

Saturday morning, I made my way (sadly, didn’t walk because I was running so late) to the 8:30 a.m. WW meeting, and it was packed. It was fantastic, I must say, to be amongst such a big group of people, all of which were committed (to a greater or lesser degree) to working on their weight issues. Seeing as I’m still fairly new to this area, it was great to feel a part of a community. The group was very vocal, which I liked. The leader called people by name, which was nice.

I weighed in within two pounds of my starting weight back in 1989, when I lost 70 lbs on WW. I’m going to consider that a good omen, rather than focusing on the fact that I have gained it all back ;-).

I also convinced DH and his buddy (who’d come over to watch football on Sunday) to move the treadmill from the garage to inside the house, where it can actually be used. Bought some running shoes, as well. Also signed up for the e-mail list for “See Jane Run” training programs. It’s a women-focused athletics store that runs training programs for both marathon and triathlon. Unfortunately, both programs are pretty much done for this year, but it’d be a great goal for next year to run either/or marathon or triathlon.

I didn’t eat great this weekend but one revelation was exactly how much I’m allowed to eat on WW. Because I’m nursing, I get 36 points a day, plus 35 “flex points” to use over the course of the week. That’s a lot. It’s 12 points per meal, and a McDonald’s Happy Meal (w/Diet Coke) is 13, I think. I honestly think I haven’t been eating enough at each meal, which has set me up to be very hungry and binge.

Well, it’s been a week now and I’m finally getting around to posting that our little bundle of joy has come home to be with us. Pictures are here. I lost about 20 pounds so far, of baby (6 lbs, 15 oz) and fluid and placenta. Still, that puts me about 30 lbs over where I was when I got pregnant. Here’s hoping breast feeding does wonders for me. It certainly is supposed to burn calories! Doctors suggest no strenuous exercise or dieting until 6 weeks post partum, so just trying to eat healthy and take walks between now and then. Actually, the main priority is just keeping baby fed, diapered and happy. Once that’s taken care of, I can take care of myself. 6 weeks maternity leave is the plan.

I’m beginning to figure out one reason I find dieting/weight control/healthy eating so difficult. It’s because it’s a negative process so often. It’s about not eating this or not choosing that. It’s about holding myself back and avoiding certain behavior.

I tend to do better with positive things — do this, do that, etc. If I could just eat this or eat that and see success, it might be easier. As it is, I can start the day with the really good stuff, but, somewhere along the way, I still have to restrain myself. I have to keep myself from making bad choices. Hmm… How can I work around my psychology and make this work??

Well.. about 2 weeks to my due date. Many changes ahead.

An interesting first person piece in the NY Times today about a fashion writer who went from 190 lbs to 137 and how it’s changed her perspective.

I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t focus on changing external circumstances — I should focus on changing my reaction to them. In other words: don’t eat for stress-related reasons. What kind of reasons? Let me count them for you.

I can’t resist linking as DietGirls’s post on her first 5K run had me in tears this morning — tears of happiness for her and what she’s accomplished. Wow.