Here I am… showered, vitamins taken, teeth brushed and face moisturized. I’m even wearing clean clothes. Finally, I found some “me” time to do the very basics.

Next steps: find more “me” time every day to improve my fitness and eat healthfully. That’s what it’s all about, after all. It’s about taking care of myself instead of spending all my time on kid or baby or husband duty, and putting myself last. The past couple of weeks, especially when my aunt was here visiting, I got some glimpses of what it would be like to tend to my own needs again.

This seems simple, but one day I ran into a friend when we were both dropping off our kids at day care. I strolled along with her as she walked over to her gym, and she even gave me a tour. There we were, two women, walking along together, no kids in tow (baby was with my aunt at home). We could set a brisk pace. We could jaywalk. We could worry about no one other than ourselves. And then there was the gym. It was small, but nice, and close by. Hmm… I’d not considered it in my earlier digging (probably because I’d been thinking a lot about the rest of the family), but I found it had definite possibilities, and its proximity to the apartment is a big plus. After saying farewell, I popped over to my favorite bakery and picked up a couple of muffins for myself and my aunt.

Then, another time, my aunt and I were walking home from Target and stopped off to have lunch in this cute little restaurant in my neighborhood. The baby (picture here) did us the favor of sleeping the entire time. So, we ordered two lunches, split them both in half, and each got a taste of both. One came with a free half-pint of a draft beer, so I picked a local brew, which was as tasty as I remembered. We sat in this small restaurant, with wooden booths, exposed brick walls and gorgeous decorative light fixtures… and I felt like myself. I love trying new restaurants and this was just classic Pamela. Oh, how these small moments have helped me recapture who I am and what I want my life to be like.

For those of you without kids, it might be hard to imagine how these seemingly mundane interludes meant so much to me. With being pregnant, and now having my breasts given over to producing milk for the baby — not to mention the constant demands of the now-3-year-old — there just is so little time for me to indulge myself in my hobbies and interests. (Notice how long I go between blog posts.) However, I’ll soon be getting back to work — we’ve hired a nanny to take care of the kids when I return — and life will be getting back to “normal.” In there, somewhere, I need to keep these interludes coming. Time on the treadmill or out for a walk. Manicures and pedicures. New clothes. A night out with a friend. I can’t wait….

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P.S. I’m down to around 223 at last weigh-in (after eating and fully clothed), which is about 10 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight. Haven’t made much of a special effort, but I have noticed that pushing a stroller with the 3-year-old inside can be a really great core workout, especially uphill.

As my earlier-chronicled body woes have mounted, I’ve been giving serious thought to asking to work from home every day. It would save me from getting dressed in nicer-looking but fairly-constricting clothing. It would save me from tramping up and down stairs and sweating in crowded subways. And it would save me an hour to an hour-and-a-half of time wasted going back and forth to the office.

But… it would also mean I’d be at home alone all day — isolated and probably lonely. I might feel out of the loop at work, even more than I already do. I wouldn’t get the exercise of walking through my commute. I’d live in yoga pants and the like, which might get me down about my appearance. I’d also potentially feel like a bit of a failure, since my ever-expanding body would be keeping me confined to my home, essentially.

On the other hand, this is temporary. I’m 8 months pregnant, and I need to take it easy on myself. It’s cheaper to stay at home, too, as I’d save the commuting dollars and the expenses of eating out. I don’t interact much with the folks in my office, anyway — most of my work gets done over e-mail, or IM, or the phone.

Aargh. I really don’t know. I am already working from home 2x a week. Maybe I’ll just continue with this “wait and see” attitude until I get too miserable to continue the commute. As you can tell, I’m torn. I’m not ready to surrender to the pregnancy yet — though it will definitely happen, even if it’s at the moment I go into labor. I’m too invested in my job and I want to remain relevant as long as possible. Then again, why not go ahead and work from home, or take advantage of the opportunity and go out on (mostly-paid) maternity leave before the actual labor begins, so I’ll have a few days to relax? Hmmm…

Back in the “lot going on” phase…

• I’ve decided to table the “joining a gym” question for now, as I think the more important (or at least first-to-be-fought) battle at the moment is finding the time for myself on a weekend day. It’s been a little nuts the past week (hubby’s father died so he was out of town for the funeral, plus we had houseguests and I had my 10-year grad school reunion), but this weekend I just need to gear up and move — either go for a walk to the park, hit the treadmill, or do an exercise video. Option 1 is the one that’s easiest to do with the family, so we’ll see. (I know I bought that two-kid jog stroller/bike trailer for a reason!)
  
• 8 weeks to go on the pregnancy roller-coaster. Well, 8 weeks until my due date, anyway. Then we start the newborn/toddler roller coaster, so I guess the ride really never stops. But I will be on maternity leave, so that’ll be a definite change of pace.
  
• Our house is on the market now, officially, and the real estate agent held an open house on Sunday. No major activity to report, but it seemed to be well-attended. Fingers crossed that it sells, for our price, and soon.
  

Well, I didn’t get to actually work out this weekend (illness intruded in the form of a 24-hour bug), but I visited and scoped out two different gyms. One is a local place that’s highly regarded, and another is the area YMCA.

I’m actually leaning toward the YMCA, in part because they have other programs that the family could participate in. But the big question remains: should we join at all?

After all, once the nicer weather comes, I could step out the door and go for a walk, or go to the park. (But there’s no child care so that’s dependent on hubby. Or I’d have to bring them along in the jog-stroller or something.) I could also step in front of the TV and do a killer DVD workout. (But there’s no child care.) Would I actually put the kid(s) in a stroller or whatever and haul them on the subway/bus to get to the gym on a regular basis? Would I feel comfortable leaving them to focus on myself? Do we have the money? How important is this? Hmm…

The first gym I belonged to was in Houston. I’d just graduated from college, and moved back in with my mom. I was unemployed, and I was totally kicking butt doing Weight Watchers. Before it was all through, I’d lose 70 pounds all together. Working out — pretty much 6 days a week — was a bit part of my weight-loss success (such as it was).

The gym was in a strip mall, and I got to know the place, with its thin grey carpeting and bright flourescent lights, very very well. When I’d walk in, the employees on duty would just nod at me in recognition — there was no need for me to show my membership card. Then, I’d hop on my exercise machine of choice — the mighty Stairmaster — and, often, say hello to the folks to my left and right, many of whom I knew from many hours of side-by-side sweaty toil. I loved it. And when, months into my routine, I was invited to go running — something that scared me to death (me? a runner?) — I was able to run a full 3 miles without stopping. The Stairmaster had trained me well.

It was also here, and at another location, where I graduated from circuit training and learned about free weights. Somewhere along the way, I started dating a hot, muscular, long-haired guy. He’d skate around at street festivals bare-chested with his pet snake around his neck. (I’ve always had a thing for bad boys.) He taught me a lot about proper form in weight lifting. (I still feel bad that I broke his heart.)

I love the gym. It’s a refuge. A place to focus on myself and my body. Since that first gym, I’ve been a member of bare-bones gyms and top-of-the-line health clubs. Now, thanks to all your encouragement, I’m seriously looking at another type of gym — one with child care. I’m psyched. I plan to go tomorrow, and take the boy, so we can both try out the facilities. Hubby will probably join us, too. This will just be a free three-day trial, but it might just turn into something wonderful.

was walking three long blocks, uphill, in the snow (ok, with snow melting nearby), with a 38 lb 2.5-year-old boy on my shoulders, and an approx. 1.5 lb fetus in my belly.

Really just wanted to say I’m still here, and a lot has been going on. I’m inching toward my due date. We are dealing with a lot of financial matters, including the huge challenge of selling our house in a not-so-great market. We’ve gone sledding — the first time for the boy, and the first time for me (though I didn’t actually sled, due to pregnancy awkwardness.). And each of these sentences could be a blog post of its own — a lot more interesting than this one — but time has definitely been tight lately.

So far, I’ve gained around 12 lbs in this pregnancy, which isn’t terrible. I looked back in the archives and see that, by this point in my last pregnancy, I had gained 19. But I also started out lower, last time. I know I’m eating better this time, generally, and I’m gaining at a slower pace, and I’m walking more. I just desperately want to avoid that super-bloated misery that plagued me late in my last pregnancy. Only 14 more weeks to go. Wow.

Don’t interpret my silence about Shauna’s book as meaning that I haven’t read it, for I did, and quickly. And it doesn’t mean that I didn’t love it. For I did, very much. I’ve just been, uh… digesting. My thoughts are more expansive than one post will accommodate, but I’ll start today with…. Exercise.

After I’d finished reading, the one thing I was left longing for was a box, a table, a chart… something that said: 10 secrets to Shauna’s success. What did she eat? Did she eat carbs after 6 p.m.? After all of those setbacks, how did she get back on the wagon each time?

My best guess to secret #1 is: exercise. It seemed like every time she needed motivation, she dusted herself off and went to the gym. It’s tough to feel bad about yourself and eat like crap when you’re putting in your time on the treadmill, in the fitness class, or whatever. So, in an effort to emulate my superhero, last weekend we set up the treadmill in its new NYC location, and today, I actually did some exercise: Erin O’Brien’s Prenatal Fitness Fix video.

Some of the moves are hard for me, just because I’ve got more bulk than your average (even pregnant) bear. Other moves were difficult because I’m a bit out of shape! But, generally, it wasn’t difficult enough to discurage me, and I managed to follow along pretty well. I chugged about three tall glasses of water — a testament to my dehydration — during the 40 minute workout. I finished it feeling energized and excited. I don’t have to languish on the couch, and I can improve my fitness, despite my delicate condition.

—

I’m weighing around 222 now, which is probably more of a gain than I should have experienced, thus far, but I don’t think I’m far off of last pregnancy. I really don’t want to gain to the weight I did last time (240-ish), though, as I was really swollen and uncomfortable, but it might just be in the genes. Hopefully more daily activity (walking everywhere, getting more exercise) will help.

Well, um… what a week. I think I am through it, except, of course, the everlasting repercussions of being pregnant, which I have totally not begun to come to terms with. Denial, it is my friend. At least the part of the time when I’m not avoiding alcohol and taking my daily pre-natal vitamin.

DietGirl seems to make a very timely point today, when she says the key to successfully making “lifestyle changes” is the ability to adapt. When to zig? When to zag? This week, for me, it’s been about getting over my illness and my son’s illness — his illness affects me tremendously when it comes to sleeping and/or getting up early, given that he has been spending most nights in bed with me. Can I slip out from under his head and disentangle his little hands and arms without waking him? Because once he’s awake, exercise (”me” time) is pretty much out of the question.

Meanwhile, we are still shooting for moving at the end of November. Of course, we don’t have a place to live; we don’t have a place for the boy to go to day care/pre school; and we are nowhere near to even beginning to pack. And, yet, there is that goal. Partly because I am completely sick of being apart from my husband. And I’m just ready to get it over with.

Yesterday, I had my best treadmill workout in ages. I felt strong and confident, and ran the first five minutes, then alternated 5 minutes walking and 5 minutes running for 30 minutes in all. I took it up to a 2 incline, so it was challenging on the legs as well as the heart. Not quite up to my marathon or triathlon days, but I certainly feel like I’m making progress, fitness-wise.

The most pleasing part is that I feel my body better these days. Even as I’m typing here, I feel my triceps and my biceps. When I walk, I feel how my abdominal muscles are holding me upright. That niggling back pain I’d been feeling occasionally — it’s gone. And my knee feels more secure, too. I guess the muscles I need are being strengthened. Thank goodness. I’ve also been enjoying my workouts. They’ve been of 3 varieties: the treadmill workout (similar to the above), the The FIRM workout video, and a pilates video. The FIRM is pretty intense, with weight lifting, stepping up onto boxes, and dancing-like moves. And I still have a long way to go before I can do all of the moves without alteration, so that workout should see me through for some time.

I think I’ve been pretty successful in changing my view of things to “eating healthy” rather than “dieting.” I’ve also been trying to explain it to my husband, so he can help support me, and participate, as well — especially where it comes to helping our son gain healthy eating habits. So far, so good.

I woke up this morning and, because my husband was around to take care of the boy, I was able to hop onto the treadmill. I hovered around a 15 minute mile walking, with some incline, so I went about 2 miles. My average heart rate was 142… not bad. I’m definitely not as fit as I used to be, but it still felt pretty darned good. Yippee!