Hello!!! I’ve missed this blog, and anything else other than nursing and mothering, over the past couple of weeks. It’s good to be back!

A couple of snippets of news. I’d reached around 250 lbs with the pregnancy, but lost around 20 just with the delivery. Approx 7 lbs of baby, some placenta, amniotic fluid, etc. — gone, instantly. Now I’m breastfeeding like crazy and hoping to drop some more poundage. The great thing is that I’ve actually been craving HEALTHY things, unbelievably. Fruits, whole grains, etc. have all been high on my list post-partum, and I’m just totally going with it. Of course, I’ve been eating the odd ice cream (and an occasional frozen yogurt when I go out), so it’s not like I’m on the picture-perfect diet. Still, it’s generally been good and there’s been no real binging. Weighed myself this morning and I’m down another 4 lbs. I think perhaps the nursing has gotten me hyper-aware of the “food as fuel” concept — if I go too long without eating it’s scary the way my body reacts, and so I want to keep it fueled up as effectively and efficiently as possible.

The current fitness plan (to begin in the next couple of weeks) is to do the “Couch to 5K” program, and pick a target 5K to participate in. Was thinking of the Race for the Cure on Sept 14, and still may do that. But my potential training partner (yes! I have one of those now!) will be out of town that weekend — though she’s still up for training with me, anyway. So I need to either settle on that race, or find another that we can both run in. Must scour local race schedule.

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One of the biggest weights on my mind may soon be lightened. We (finally) got an offer on our house, and our counter-offer was accepted. So we are in contract and set to close around July 20. It wasn’t that close to our asking price, but it looks to be fair, given comparables in the area, so we are pleased. The house (and the uncertainty surrounding it) has been sort of draining us dry, what with expenses like trash pick-up, water, electricity, gas, etc. that we’ve been paying for, but not using. Not to mention the mortgage! Anyway, fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly in the next stages of the process, and that we actually close as expected. It’d be fantastic to get that behind us, as we ramp up to doubling our child care expenses when I go back to work.

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What else? Well, things with the little one are really nice, though demanding. He’s eating and gaining weight like a champ. We are also set to go on a big trip for a family wedding in Italy. (Not that we can afford it, but they came to our wedding despite difficult financial circumstances…) So, that’s exciting, but I have nothing to wear! Ok, baby crying so this is a good time to call this post quits. Until next time…

and still pregnant, 40 weeks and 1 day into the pregnancy. *Sigh* I go to the doctor on Thursday, if nothing has happened by then, and I guess we would talk induction at that point. Here’s hoping my body kicks into gear between now and then. I’d love to believe it “knows” when it’s time to start labor, and I’d love for that time to be soon!

A book I read last night described birth as one of the most important and transformative experiences in a woman’s life. No wonder, as I stand at the brink, that I’m feeling so emotional and confused and worried and even guilty.

It all goes hand in hand with how I’m feeling physically, which is actually pretty fantastic when you consider how I might be feeling at 38 weeks (ok 37.75 weeks). But, when I stand up, I get the distinct impression that the baby’s head is dropping down into my pelvis, and I waddle. Then, there are the contractions. They come and go — not super-strong but definitely present — which is just enough to panic me (is it time? should I be timng their frequency and duration?) when they’re occurring. When they stop, I feel a mix of relief and disappointment. There’s also this “boy that cried wolf” feeling, when I have told my husband about them. Will he take me as seriously next time, I wonder, if this particular contraction session turns out to be a false alarm?

Then, there’s the baby, who, reassuringly, is as squirmy and wriggly as ever. It’s almost odd how the labor and delivery looms so large, when the real rock-our-world experience will be adding #2 to our family. In these last few days, a new candidate for a name has emerged, ironically from a kids’ TV program. Should this one stick, we’ll have a lot of funny stories about its origins. Whatever his name turns out to be, I’m beginning to feel like he’s welcome to join us anytime. I think all the physical and emotional “tuning up” has gotten me ready, even if I still have tasks to finish here and there. There’s truly a delicate balance between finishing everything up and leaving enough to do to keep me busy and feeling productive. Will keep walking that tightrope, for now.

Still pregnant, and nearly 250 lbs, according to the doctor’s office scale. 1 cm dilated, which doesn’t mean much. Everything seems to be going well. It’s like eerily well, compared to my last 2 pregnancies. Instead of thinking this means that something’s bound to go wrong, I’m instead coasting along on the positivity, and I’m hoping the labor & delivery are equally as smooth.

I’ve always thought my uber-curvy body, my amazing fertility (never had to try more than once, and sometimes didn’t try), and my general monthly regularity meant I was particularly suited to be a mother. But, until this pregnancy, things never came quite as easily as I thought they should. Anyway, it could be any day now, but we still could be looking at several weeks. I suspect that once it starts, it will come quickly. The baby’s head is down already. Last labor (even induced) was only around 6 hours, which is quick — and 2nd babies usually come faster.

So, fingers crossed. If I am not able to check in again before the actual birth, I will be back with an announcement about the arrival. Also, I’ll be looking to step things up, fitness-wise, once I get over the initial survival hump, so this blog will go back to topic. Crank up that treadmill!

As my earlier-chronicled body woes have mounted, I’ve been giving serious thought to asking to work from home every day. It would save me from getting dressed in nicer-looking but fairly-constricting clothing. It would save me from tramping up and down stairs and sweating in crowded subways. And it would save me an hour to an hour-and-a-half of time wasted going back and forth to the office.

But… it would also mean I’d be at home alone all day — isolated and probably lonely. I might feel out of the loop at work, even more than I already do. I wouldn’t get the exercise of walking through my commute. I’d live in yoga pants and the like, which might get me down about my appearance. I’d also potentially feel like a bit of a failure, since my ever-expanding body would be keeping me confined to my home, essentially.

On the other hand, this is temporary. I’m 8 months pregnant, and I need to take it easy on myself. It’s cheaper to stay at home, too, as I’d save the commuting dollars and the expenses of eating out. I don’t interact much with the folks in my office, anyway — most of my work gets done over e-mail, or IM, or the phone.

Aargh. I really don’t know. I am already working from home 2x a week. Maybe I’ll just continue with this “wait and see” attitude until I get too miserable to continue the commute. As you can tell, I’m torn. I’m not ready to surrender to the pregnancy yet — though it will definitely happen, even if it’s at the moment I go into labor. I’m too invested in my job and I want to remain relevant as long as possible. Then again, why not go ahead and work from home, or take advantage of the opportunity and go out on (mostly-paid) maternity leave before the actual labor begins, so I’ll have a few days to relax? Hmmm…

* Don’t even want to weigh myself anymore, because I’m well over where I’d hoped I’d be. Definitely 240+

* Can hardly bend over to tie my shoes. Thank goodness for slip-ons.

* Am struggling up stairs and then having to catch my breath at the top.

* I’m up 3-4X a night to pee, and can only ever sleep on one side or another — if I can sleep.

* Painful leg cramps in my calves are also keeping me awake, and they struck this morning on my commute, as well.

Generally speaking, I’m miserable, body-wise. I just want my own body back to myself. That’s a bit much to hope for, I think, as the baby, and the boy, will still demand quite a bit of me, physically, for quite some time. But at least I’d be able to get a few minutes to myself, occasionally. Thinking about trying Couch to 5K, and picking a race for the fall. (Totally bummed that the Danskin Women’s Tri is sold out in this area.)

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UPDATE: I finally did weigh myself and I actually came in at 238, so it’s not as bad as I feared. Still, I have to use “Body Glide” on my legs to keep from chafing, my husband had to tie my shoes this morning, and there are times I can barely wipe my own butt. It’s not a pretty thing.

Back in the “lot going on” phase…

• I’ve decided to table the “joining a gym” question for now, as I think the more important (or at least first-to-be-fought) battle at the moment is finding the time for myself on a weekend day. It’s been a little nuts the past week (hubby’s father died so he was out of town for the funeral, plus we had houseguests and I had my 10-year grad school reunion), but this weekend I just need to gear up and move — either go for a walk to the park, hit the treadmill, or do an exercise video. Option 1 is the one that’s easiest to do with the family, so we’ll see. (I know I bought that two-kid jog stroller/bike trailer for a reason!)
  
• 8 weeks to go on the pregnancy roller-coaster. Well, 8 weeks until my due date, anyway. Then we start the newborn/toddler roller coaster, so I guess the ride really never stops. But I will be on maternity leave, so that’ll be a definite change of pace.
  
• Our house is on the market now, officially, and the real estate agent held an open house on Sunday. No major activity to report, but it seemed to be well-attended. Fingers crossed that it sells, for our price, and soon.
  

The contractions finally calmed down, so I guess they were Braxton-Hicks (”practice”) contractions, and nothing to worry about, but boy did I worry for a few hours there.

I’m trying to keep a stiff upper lip about the whole house sale matter, but it’s one of those things that hangs over our heads, and we smile and hum and try to think of other things, but it’s still there, behind the scenes. It’s probably mostly a matter of our losing a lot (or all?) of our fairly substantial down payment, and not a matter of having to shell out more (which we don’t have), but I’m not certain. Until the sale actually happens, we won’t know the true damage.

Anyway… we have our health! We have each other! And tons of LOVE! Our son is the most gorgeous creature in the universe, and so sweet, and he’s just begun telling us that he loves us. We are all together, and we are about to be a family of four, which I expect means more love all around. We both have amazing extended families, and, though they’re far away, their presence makes a difference in our lives. We’ve got so much to be thankful for, and, in so many important ways, we are doing fantastically. I’ll leave it at that today, to keep the negativity at bay. But thanks for “listening”.

I’m still here. Things have been a little nuts. I got to go down to Austin for the SXSW interactive festival, which was fantastic but pretty disruptive to my creature-of-habit type lifestyle. I feel like I’m barely keeping up with the immediate demands of maintaining the household, maintaining my job, and avoiding full-body misery.

I’m at 29 (almost 30) weeks now, which is a bit frightening, but also something of a relief given I’m starting to experience all of the yuckiness associated w/trimester 3: heartburn (lots of it), hip pain, physical awkwardness, constipation (worse than before), difficulty sleeping, and general huge-ness. I’ve now hit 230 lbs, which is about 10 pounds shy of where I ended up in my last pregnancy. And, despite heartburn, I am having a hard time (probably because of the accompanying stress) moderating my eating. Not that I’m trying that hard. Harumph, whine, complain, whinge…

Everything’s going fine, really. I am just the most boring blogger ever. So it’s probably better for me to stop this post now, before I bore you more!

Another NYT quote:

Mr. Walsh says he started seeing the link between clutter and weight problems when readers of his first book on decluttering began telling him how they also had lost weight as a result of getting organized. Clutter and fat, he realized, are not so different.

“All of us deal constantly with the urge to consume more,’’ he writes. “We spend too much, we buy too much, and we eat too much. In the same way we surround ourselves with so much clutter, we overwhelm our bodies with caloric clutter consisting mainly of sugar and fat.”