I’ve always resisted affirmations. For one thing, they usually sound so cheesy and new-agey, and who really believes that saying something can make it so? (All of the fans of “The Secret,” that’s who.) Anyway, I just thought it wasn’t for me.

This time around, however, I’m finding myself naturally, spontaneously, looking for positive things to think, to replace the negative things that normally fill my mind. I hesitate to even give the negative things the brain space they’ll occupy as I get them onto paper, but I mean things like, “I’ve been on WW so many times and failed,” and “I’m so deprived, why can’t I eat like a normal person?” Instead, I’m trying to come up with positive ideas — not crazy out-there ideas, but realistic down-to-earth things to think. Things like, “I am eating things that help my body work better,” and “I’m progressing to a place where eating healthy will feel more natural,” and “I love fresh fruits and vegetables, when they’re prepared well.”

I’m consciously deciding not to focus on some fuzzy future in which I can wear size 10 clothes and do a triathlon. When I start thinking about stuff like that, I inevitably get discouraged by the distance between that future and today’s reality. But the idea that I love broccoli (true, by the way!) is an easy and good one to keep in mind. The idea that this is a process — “every day, in every way, it’s getting better and better” — is a useful one, too.

Whenever those icky “I am a failure” ideas — complete hooey, by the way — come into my mind, I want to have something positive to combat them. Mental jujitsu. I wonder how many activity points that will net me…

Well, by some standards, my first few days on WW would be considered a miserable failure. I went WAY over on points, even counting the weekly “extras,” and this was just in the first three days or so. Thankfully, I’m not measuring myself by those standards!

I am looking at this whole endeavor as a long-term weight loss “caper” (to channel DG), where WW is helping me gauge the amounts and types of things I need to eat to lose weight. There will be learning along the way, and I’ll modify my habits to bring them in line with my goal. So far, I’ve learned that I need to keep lots more fruits, vegetables and other no- or low-point items in the house. I need to cook side dishes (I am the queen of the “one dish” meal) that are low in points, so I have something to munch on when the main dish is a bit rich, but not filling enough.

So far, I’m not giving up the “no artificial sweeteners” and “no fat-free dairy” mandate that I stated here a while back. I just plan to have smaller portions of “the good stuff” (TM).

Today is my first WW meeting. Actually I missed the first meeting because I failed to remember daylight savings time. But I’m going to meeting #2 of the day in just a few minutes. And I’m starting my WW week afresh.

I weighed myself this morning before jumping in the shower. The number I saw — 229 — was not only very close to 230, but it was also more than 10 pounds more than what I once thought was my “set point.” Slowly, or not so slowly, I’ve been inching up, day by day. My recent vacation didn’t help, either.

There in the shower, I finally came to a conclusion: I need to join Weight Watchers. My appetite and portion sizes, not to mention my food choices, have just become so out of whack that I need a jolt to the system. I need a little guidance to reacquaint myself which what’s normal, what’s good for me. Maybe it won’t need to last for long, but even a few weeks of being on program will help me get my bearings. Doing nothing is just getting me fatter, so I’ve got to do something positive.

So, I did. I came to work and took a minute or two to sign up for a monthly pass, which will get me access to all the online tools and as many meetings as I want. I got hubby’s blessing to do a meeting every weekend in our neighborhood. It’s only been 1/2 day, but I can see this continuing very successfully.

Because I’m still nursing the baby, I get some extra points — which I honestly feel like I need because I get low-blood-sugar crashes pretty easily. Generally, though, I think nursing is slowing down, as the baby is 9 months old today and eating plenty of solid food. So it’s getting to be time for me to take back my body — for good, this time, as I don’t expect to be getting pregnant again. I just need to make better choices more consistently, and ditch some of the needless extras that have added calories, without adding much satisfaction.

That step on the scale this morning comes after a vacation in which I reflected quite a bit. I also got to see myself through the eyes of my visiting brother and sister-in-law and their kids, and I wasn’t pleased with the picture. I also got to do some ice skating and skiing, which reminded me of the active athletic person I am, inside. It’s been a good week or so of thinking, and I honestly think I’m ready. I can’t imagine that this won’t be without some stops and starts — especially as I haven’t really planned out possible dinners for the family (a very important step!) — but I think it will come together and give me some much-needed awareness. For now, I’m actually feeling very full, after a vegetable-heavy salad lunch. I’m eager to continue along these lines.