As my earlier-chronicled body woes have mounted, I’ve been giving serious thought to asking to work from home every day. It would save me from getting dressed in nicer-looking but fairly-constricting clothing. It would save me from tramping up and down stairs and sweating in crowded subways. And it would save me an hour to an hour-and-a-half of time wasted going back and forth to the office.

But… it would also mean I’d be at home alone all day — isolated and probably lonely. I might feel out of the loop at work, even more than I already do. I wouldn’t get the exercise of walking through my commute. I’d live in yoga pants and the like, which might get me down about my appearance. I’d also potentially feel like a bit of a failure, since my ever-expanding body would be keeping me confined to my home, essentially.

On the other hand, this is temporary. I’m 8 months pregnant, and I need to take it easy on myself. It’s cheaper to stay at home, too, as I’d save the commuting dollars and the expenses of eating out. I don’t interact much with the folks in my office, anyway — most of my work gets done over e-mail, or IM, or the phone.

Aargh. I really don’t know. I am already working from home 2x a week. Maybe I’ll just continue with this “wait and see” attitude until I get too miserable to continue the commute. As you can tell, I’m torn. I’m not ready to surrender to the pregnancy yet — though it will definitely happen, even if it’s at the moment I go into labor. I’m too invested in my job and I want to remain relevant as long as possible. Then again, why not go ahead and work from home, or take advantage of the opportunity and go out on (mostly-paid) maternity leave before the actual labor begins, so I’ll have a few days to relax? Hmmm…

* Don’t even want to weigh myself anymore, because I’m well over where I’d hoped I’d be. Definitely 240+

* Can hardly bend over to tie my shoes. Thank goodness for slip-ons.

* Am struggling up stairs and then having to catch my breath at the top.

* I’m up 3-4X a night to pee, and can only ever sleep on one side or another — if I can sleep.

* Painful leg cramps in my calves are also keeping me awake, and they struck this morning on my commute, as well.

Generally speaking, I’m miserable, body-wise. I just want my own body back to myself. That’s a bit much to hope for, I think, as the baby, and the boy, will still demand quite a bit of me, physically, for quite some time. But at least I’d be able to get a few minutes to myself, occasionally. Thinking about trying Couch to 5K, and picking a race for the fall. (Totally bummed that the Danskin Women’s Tri is sold out in this area.)

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UPDATE: I finally did weigh myself and I actually came in at 238, so it’s not as bad as I feared. Still, I have to use “Body Glide” on my legs to keep from chafing, my husband had to tie my shoes this morning, and there are times I can barely wipe my own butt. It’s not a pretty thing.

My dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Lots of thoughts running through my mind. Seems like it can be a slow-growing cancer, but the treatment option have lots of risks, too. Meanwhile, the new life inside me is… hiccupping. Sometimes life is just surreal.

It says a lot about this new meal plan that I’m looking forward to leftovers for lunch, preferring whats in my lunchbox to anything I could buy fresh around here. And my packed meal is probably healthier than anything else I would eat, too.

So far, the dinners have taken a lot of time and energy to prepare — that’s the big downside — but they have both been big hits with the family. I’ve also probably started with the most ambitious and time-consuming of dishes, so I expect others to be faster and easier. Another observation: they make a mountain of food. It’s really too much for our little family. But the recipes so far have been freeze-able, and they also yield leftovers for lunch the next day. I have a feeling I’ll be very thankful for those frozen dinners someday soon, when I’m caring for a newborn as well as a preschooler.

On weekdays, I often pick up my son from day care solo, and, by the time we amble home, he’s outrageously hungry. I know this because he begs for inappropriate things. “Candy,” he demands, or “lollypop,” he growls.

My job is to — as quickly as possible — cook something up that’s healthy, nourishing, tasty and satisfying, and… did I mention quick-to-prepare? Because while he’s screaming “lollypop” (and I’m saying “no”), he’s also saying things like “uppy mommy” (translation: pick me up) and “play me” (play with me). So it’s not like there’s this big leisurely window of opportunity.

An hour or so before this moment of panic, on the way home on the train, I scan my brain, and mentally scan the cupboards, for ideas of what I can prepare. There’s no time to go to the store before I pick him up, and taking him to the store in his hungry state is a recipe for disaster. And the food isn’t just for him, either. It’s also for me, and also for my husband. I refuse to be the kind of mom who prepares two entirely separate meals — one for the kids and one for the adults. For one thing, it just seems like too darned much work.

What I’ve been longing for, or longing to produce, is a meal plan. I’ve wanted to — in the style of school cafeterias — develop “meatloaf night” or “quiche night” or that kind of thing. Then, I can shop once a week, and know exactly what’s in store every night. I won’t have to stress about it on the way home; I won’t have to worry about whether I have groceries in stock; and I can make sure things are more healthy and complete.

Well, recently, I found an online service that seems to do a lot of the work for me. It’s by the author of The Six O’Clock Scramble, a family-oriented cookbook that I’m a fan of. The basic idea is that, every Wednesday, I receive an e-mail that links me to the customizeable menu for the week (dinners only). That, in turn, links to a PDF of all of the recipes, with side dishes, and with a shopping list. The recipes are healthy, but not crazy-spa-style healthy. You know what I mean… no broiled chicken with salsa, and that kind of thing. The idea is to actually feed a family, including potentially picky eaters.

It’s actually a huge commitment, to buy all this food at once and expect that I’ll prepare it, without wasting too much. But, I’m doing it, and I think it will be a really great thing for us all. I’m starting tonight, which is, interestingly enough, meatloaf night. I’m psyched, and currently just waiting for the boys to get home and eat. Everything smells delicious. Fingers crossed.

Back in the “lot going on” phase…

• I’ve decided to table the “joining a gym” question for now, as I think the more important (or at least first-to-be-fought) battle at the moment is finding the time for myself on a weekend day. It’s been a little nuts the past week (hubby’s father died so he was out of town for the funeral, plus we had houseguests and I had my 10-year grad school reunion), but this weekend I just need to gear up and move — either go for a walk to the park, hit the treadmill, or do an exercise video. Option 1 is the one that’s easiest to do with the family, so we’ll see. (I know I bought that two-kid jog stroller/bike trailer for a reason!)
  
• 8 weeks to go on the pregnancy roller-coaster. Well, 8 weeks until my due date, anyway. Then we start the newborn/toddler roller coaster, so I guess the ride really never stops. But I will be on maternity leave, so that’ll be a definite change of pace.
  
• Our house is on the market now, officially, and the real estate agent held an open house on Sunday. No major activity to report, but it seemed to be well-attended. Fingers crossed that it sells, for our price, and soon.