YP at Adventures of a Born Again Gym Bunny posts on clothes and on being slender. A great quote: “Since I bought my suit I’ve realised that there are clothes that fit and clothes that make you feel fabulous. I only want to buy things from the second group…”

I’m in that stage where I feel that, at my weight, there are only clothes that fit, and none that make me feel (and especially look) fabulous. So clothes are no fun… just functional. Blah.

I’ve been trying to think of how to motivate myself and have been picturing a certain day — spring in New York — when I went to a benefit dinner with a friend of mine (a guy). I had gone out and bought a dress for the occasion. It was a basic “little black dress” with spaghetti straps and (I think I recall) a plunging neckline in the back. It was a size 10 (US, of course). I just wore the dress, some sort of panties, and strappy sandals. No bra, because my breasts weren’t overly huge at that weight, and there was the aforementioned plunging back neckline. I just recall the sheer sensation of how that dress felt upon my skin. I was covered, but I felt nearly naked. And I felt great. Oh, to feel so good about my body again.

I almost wrote “what I woudn’t give?” but, to be honest, I am totally living in a world where I have placed feeling that way at the bottom of my list of priorities. I’d rather get tons of things done, and cope with the stress of it all with a few brownies or something of the sort. That’s why I haven’t lost more weight. And that’s really got to change. I can’t keep putting myself last, or I’m going to be miserable. And I’d rather feel that spring-in-New-York, little-black-dress feeling instead.

What a fantastic post by dietgirl on happiness. Just what I need to hear right now, methinks.

Made it through today! It was a tough one, in that Monday was sort of ground zero for all of the changes in the works, family-wise. I changed to my new office. DH changed to taking BART to work. And the boy changed to his new day care. The whole thing has a lot of implications for our routine, as well. We pretty much had mornings down to a science. We all knew when we needed to wake up, what our responsibilites were, and when we had to be out the door. This morning, that all went out the window. DH left me with jobs I’d never done before, and didn’t exactly know how to do. The day care was asking me questions about the boy’s schedule that I didn’t know the answers to (the other day care had just taken care of everything so I wasn’t sure). And the boy’s schedule was all messed up, nap-wise, because he didn’t have to spend 2 hours in the car commuting. Normally, he’d just sleep in the car. It’s been a bit harrowing, but right now I have some silence and moments to myself (heaven! and so rare!). The boy is napping. Dinner is ready (we are having leftovers from yesterday). And the dishes are all washed (DH will be overjoyed).

*****

I kicked butt, exercise-wise this weekend. Saturday, DH had to work and he left me alone with the boy, with no car. There are plenty of things I could walk to do, and the BART is fairly close by, but having so little structure, and no goals, was a bit unsettling. I ended up piling the child in the Burley jog stroller at one point, and we did nearly 2 hours of run/walking — mostly walking. The weather really became glorious this weekend, after many weekends of rain in a row. Of course, today it all went back to raining again, but that’s another story. Then, Sunday, I tagged along with DH to Marin County where he was playing a pick-up soccer game, in hopes of finding a nice running/biking trail. We took the Burley, and the boy and I hit the road. I felt like the luckiest girl ever, finding a delightful trail with mixed woods and sun. We did about an hour of run/walk… mostly walk. I can definitely feel it in my legs today.

*****
About my new office. I’m up in a loft really near the ceiling/roof, so the rain pounding down today really created quite a racket. There was a point where I was listening to my phone messages and honestly couldn’t hear what the message said. It might have just been the sound quality of the message, but it sure seemed like the rain was drowning out the guy’s voice. So, the rain experience was very intense. It wasn’t all bad, though. It also helped me feel a bit more connected with nature and the outside world. And then, every once in a while, the sun would come out in all its glory. During one of these times — a particularly sunny one — I commented to the office folks that there must be a lot of rainbows outside. So, they decided to go out and see them. They walked over to the door of the office, opened it… and there was not only one rainbow but two. A double rainbow. They knew exactly where to look, because that’s apparently where the rainbows come, when they come. How amazing and refreshing to work in a place where people take rainbow breaks. I think I’m going to be very happy in my new digs.

*****
OK, the boy is crying so gotta go!

The rash from hell seems to be getting better. I’m not constantly needing to scratch any more. Well… not quite in the same urgent way that was causing bruising and bleeding. Yuck. I think, in the end, that I was allergic to New York. It was so incredibly dry there, I guess due to the heating systems. But even outside one day, we had to deal with 20 degree temps and 30 mph winds. Those skyscrapers really do become canyons that the winds rush through with abandon. My clothes — even my new, looser clothes — rubbed up against my raw dry skin and made it much worse. I hadn’t taken any moisturizer on the trip, but did use some from the hotel. It was so bad that every time I blew my nose, which was a couple of times a day, there was blood on the tissue. Even my nasal passages were raw and inflamed. So, that must have been it. It took me a week to recover, skin-wise, from my trip.

Of course, I still haven’t managed to do any exercise since my return, and my eating hasn’t been too great. And here we are on Saturday morning and I’m not even thinking about going to Weight Watchers (well, I guess I am, since I am writing this). Everything’s just in such a state of flux. Let me count the ways…

1. My husband’s job role is changing a bit. He’ll likely be traveling more (like later this month he’ll be gone for a week) and he’s under a bit more stress. Plus he’s trying to do some outside stuff that is keeping him busy, as well.
   
2. I am talking with someone about a potential job. It’s at a small start-up company, which brings with it a whole set of risks. Anyway, just thinking about it and not knowing whether I’ll get an offer is adding stress. Plus, we haven’t even talked money so I’m not positive of what the position pays. My hope is to get them to want me, and then tell them what I need to make. By then, they’ll already be decided that I’m the right one, so they’ll cough up the dough.
   
3. I’m changing offices in my current job, and the boy is changing day cares. This’ll mean a big change in our whole family’s daily routine. Hopefully, it’ll turn out for the better. What I do know is that I’ll probably be spending less time each day with my husband, which is a bummer. But I’ll have more time to exercise and such, so that’ll be positive. That starts not next week, but the week thereafter.
   

I am suffering from a terrible almost all-over body rash that is killing me. I just sat in the bathroom an extra 5 minutes to have the delicious pleasure of scratching my legs raw. It’s so bad I’ve actually bruised myself from the scratching. And who else can I tell but my faithful bloggy readers?

Worse, I have no idea what’s spurred this onslaught of nastiness. I definitely have sensitive skin but was it the dry weather on my recent trip to New York? the new navel piercing? some other cause? (Don’t worry, the trip and the piercing are both worthy of, and should get, blog posts of their own sometime soon.) Meanwhile may I just say AARGH!