Ok, I think maybe I am beginning to come out of my funk. I stayed within points yesterday, and so far things are OK for today. I stayed super late and got a bunch of work done yesterday. I’m feeling a little bit skinnier, too. Yesterday I stepped on the scale (completely naked) and for just an instant, the scale read 180-something, before flipping back up to 190. And, of course, even 190 is progress.

One of my friends suggested maybe going out to the bars Friday night with some single friends, to try to find them boys to date. It’s a little difficult for me to imagine myself confident enough to do that right now, but I might give it a shot at some point. I still have the problem of no clothes I really like, and the change of seasons isn’t helping that much. Anyway, I will be out of town this weekend so it’s not an issue.

Meanwhile, I really miss my husband and am probably not going to be able to talk with him much this weekend, as we will both be traveling. I forgot to call him this morning (busy with work) and now the window of opportunity has passed. *Sigh*

Also, have a family event this weekend which will probably be a challenge — though it may present opportunities for exercise — so need to prepare myself accordingly (pack exercise clothes/shoes!). I will be staying with my cousin who I have heard has lost a lot of weight since I saw her last, so perhaps she can be a motivation for me.

Decided to shake up my routine a little with a sandwich from Subway’s “7 with 6″ menu. Supposedly, this gigantic sandwich has only 5 points. Seems to me just the bread alone would be at least 4 points. Anyway, I guess you have to go with what you’ve got, information-wise. Anyone else have any experiences with Subway — can you really lose weight counting things like they suggest?

BTW, I’ve been using this Diet Tracker on My Yahoo!. It can be kind of motivational. Just thought I’d suggest in case any of my lovely readers are My Yahoo! users. (The company just redesigned My Yahoo!, which is what made me think of it.)

I actually skipped making an entry yesterday which may indicate how listless I have been. I just feel like I’m not getting much accomplished as of late, including diet-wise. I went over slightly on points yesterday — pushed over the edge by nighttime (light) cheese snacking.

My whole down-in-the-dumps-ness got me looking at the calendar, and it seems this could just be the (slightly early) effects of PMS. I hope so, because I can’t wait for this to get itself over with. When two days of exercise — supposedly a euphoria-creator — does nothing for my mood, something seems to be wrong.

Honestly, I’m not doing terrible diet-wise, I’m just not doing that good, and my mental state and self-image are pretty blah.

Started the day with a new offering from the shop downstairs, a breakfast burrito with a whole wheat tortilla, egg whites…. and bacon and cheese. Probably should be at least 9 points. *sigh* It was delicious, though.

Not a bad day. Met a friend at the gym at 11, then went with her and another friend to brunch. I’m really noticing a wratcheting up of my hunger level when I’m exercising more. I suppose that’s normal and that’s what WW activity points are for, but I keep struggling with myself to avoid using them. If I do end up using them, I feel a bit out of control — like I’m not able to handle my urges. So it’s been kind of weird, emotionally. Still, I know I’m not doing badly, so I should try to keep myself from getting down about it.

Haven’t done nearly as much as I would like to have done this weekend, but it hasn’t been a terrible failure — exercising both days is pretty awesome, I must say. As you can tell, I’ve got a lot of mixed feelings going on. I definitely struggle with depression — have tried medication successfully in the past but am hoping to get pregnant and none of the drugs are OK for pregnancy. Am just trying to keep it positive on my own for now.

Hm… today was rather difficult to assess, if I’d been given the job of assessing it. I did a nice run/walk around the park, with actually quite a bit of running… or I probably should say jogging as it was pretty slow going. Still, it was very encouraging.

I love walking around here partly because the people-watching scene is unmatched. I actually saw a guy who was doing cross training — alternating between jumping rope and riding a unicycle. I didn’t take a water bottle, just chugged a bit of water before going and then stopped at various water fountains along the way. The water tasted so deliciously earthy and life-giving.

Then, still at the park, I stopped by the Saturday farmers market and picked up several gorgeous peak-of-ripeness tomatoes. Then I came home and chowed down on them, and on lunch. I realized late in the day that I probably should have had coffee at some point. I’ve been tired and sort of listless all day. I will probably just read a while and go to sleep early. It seems silly to stay up since I have no plans. I guess I’m kind of lonely to be home on a Saturday night with nothing going on. I talked to my Dad and to my brother for a little while on the phone, but I miss my husband. I’m in a sort of feeling-sorry-for-myself mood. Well, this will surely pass. Am having brunch with a friend tomorrow and plan to wake up early and go to a spinning class at the gym.

P.S. The first line on the bottom of the chart indicates where I actually stopped exercising. The rest of the heart rate numbers are for tomato shopping and strolling home. (Meant to turn off the monitor but accidentally set it for another “lap” instead.)

This stuff is awesome. No caffeine, no calories. Just nice, smooth, vanilla taste. If you can stand diet soda, this is a great handy beverage to have around. Just thought I’d share a food that’s been working really well for me.

So… trying today to recover from my debauchery last night. I, of course, had my Friday a.m. weigh-in this morning, and weighed 1 lb more than last week. Not so good. I’m trying not to freak, though, due to aforementioned debauchery and my firm intention to exercise this weekend. Am thinking of checking out potential classes at the gym on Saturday a.m., so I can assure myself of getting my butt out of bed.

So far today:
Breakfast - everything bagel (toasted dry) with egg whites (8 points)

So tonight I went to a food/wine tasting event called Harvest in the Square, which benefits Union Square. For Non-New Yorkers, let me say that Union Square — besides being a huge central point in my old neighborhood (where I still own an apartment) — has been a focal point for a lot of recent happenings in NYC. After September 11, it became a hub for people to express and share their grief about the tragic events. During the recent Republican National Convention, it became a focal point for protestors and unconventional art exhibitions.

Anyway, it was obviously a night of uninhibited munching for me, but I did feel like my eating had changed. First of all, I completely passed up things I didn’t find extremely interesting. Second, I didn’t feel compelled to eat every bite of every thing. Third, I only at the parts of things that I really liked and felt were worth the calories. Needless to say, I’m right back on program tomorrow.

Ok, without further ado, let me re-hash my spectacular night of debauchery:

New York Magazine covers how you can still obsess over your body weight even when you’re pregnant. Oh, joy. I hope San Francisco Bay Area folks are a little more crunchy and natural about pregnancy weight gain. I wanna be fit and all, I just don’t want to be a freak about it.

and I love them, so keep them coming! It’s been so encouraging to me to find others going through the same struggles as myself. And, boy, is it a struggle sometimes.

I’ve really warmed up to my waffles and Greek yogurt mixture. That was breakfast today, and a snack this afternoon. Lunch was a Healthy Choice meal. So, I’m doing OK and have a few points left for dinner, which is always a good thing.

You know what’s bothering me these days? I know you’re dying to know. It’s that I’m actually afraid that I could stick to the Weight Watchers plan 100% and still not lose weight. Because I’m doing pretty good at the moment. I’m not getting that much exercise, but that’s not supposed to be required. I am trying to walk more to and from work. Anyway, I’m mostly sticking within the points and finding it easier and easier to manage — other than some noteable exceptions. I feel better. Yet, I don’t see the scale moving at anything like the rate I would expect.

Has my metabolism slowed down so dramatically? Am I just getting that old? Maybe so. Maybe I really need to exercise to lose weight now that I’m getting into my late thirties. I don’t know, and I’m going to try not to let it get me down too much, but venting is what this blog is for, so there you go.